On allowing, and making it through.
If I am being honest, 2018 has not turned into the year I expected it to be. Yes, I know there are still a couple of months left, but overall the year so far has been so difficult for me.
And yet, at the same time, I wouldn’t change what I have been through.
This year has been a huge catalyst for growth, for healing, for overcoming, and even just learning the importance of making it through.
Honestly, this year almost every day I’ve had to turn to this mantra: one day at a time.
Even when things feel like smooth sailing, this is still the mantra I use, because not only does it help me see a way through when things feel hard, it also reminds me to stay present when things are good.
My biggest lesson so far this year seems to be on allowing.
So often in my life when it comes to going through tough times, there is always a part of me that tries to rush through them, to find my way to the other side and not look back.
Well, this year had other things in mind.
I found myself re-facing old patterns, having things that I’d thought “been there, done that” come forward again, and no matter how much I wanted to take a short cut through these difficult journeys - that just wasn’t happening.
I had to learn to allow, to go through these journeys one day at a time, to find a way to make it through.
I have learned so much about myself this year. I feel like I learn something new each and every day.
And maybe this year just has a funny sense of humor, but every time I’ve found my way on the other side of one emotional mountain, a new one with new lessons comes forward to teach me.
Much of this year has been exhausting… but there have also been some reprieves from the heavy heartache.
I have found more joy in my art and journaling than I have in a long time.
I’ve embraced self-exploration and self-study into my creative pursuits like I haven’t done in years.
I’ve started keeping a new art journal, which is almost more like a scrapbook where I keep mementoes and treasures and keepsakes, and write little blurbs to help me remember what makes them special or how they make me feel.
I’ve stopped fighting the cycles that I go through - such as accepting that while in a perfect world I would be filled with endless creative energy where I make art each and every day, sometimes I need to rest and refuel even for what I love to do so much.
Granted, I am sure I still have much to learn and will continue to face new lessons that teach me what it means to allow in my life. I am sure that even in the near future there will be more times when I become exhausted by the lesson that sometimes the way through hard times is just to focus on making it through, one day at a time.
But at the end of the day, that is what makes up the human experience: knowing that hard times are head, but choosing to find the joy in the day to day anyway. The expectation should never be to find a way to be perfect through all of life’s challenges, but rather to do the best you can and learn for the future.
I might mess up today, but I get to start again tomorrow for as long as I live by mantra: one day at a time.